Im afraid of publishing my best posts.

I have three files in my draft folder with only a few lines written. I know those could well be my best blog posts if I stopped being scared long enough to finish them.

I’ve written eight posts in the last two months, that’s good, I’ve never posted as much!

I’ve posted coding puzzles walkthroughs, fun and quick.

I’ve published some hobby posts about my passions that are a joy to write because there is no pressure, the only readers I expect on posts like those are people who share the same hobby, and enjoy looking at miniatures.

I also wrote coding posts where I have to be extra vigilant because critical eyes will skim through every single line of code. It’s alright, this is how I can get better, but it’s already a bit higher stakes.

But those drafts are none of those things, they are “essays”. The first and currently only one is my “Writing in a world of LLMs” one. They are the hardest by far.

They are more personal, I feel more exposed, more vulnerable. I share opinions, I have strong views, I risk being wrong, stupid and that I’ll change my mind in the future.

One of my draft is about some advices that justify themselves with a “This is how it works”, but the way the world works sucks. And even if it brings more cash or more results, this is often simply deceiving, tricking or bullshitting. It’s not about making things better, it’s just optimizing for the wrong things.

But who am I to write this? I don’t have more authority than the people preaching it, I have even less to be honest, I don’t have the results to argue that.

I know it’s ridiculous. Almost no one will read it. And from those that do, barely anyone will remember it. But I’m still afraid. And so I don’t work on them and therefore I don’t post them.

I need to write, to read, to refine and to think to finalize my thoughts. But I end up letting them rot in the draft folder, scroll on twitter or mindlessly watch some youtube videos instead of figuring it out.

I will continue writing all kind of posts, keep publishing. That’s really important, the more I post, the easier It gets. But I want to increase the number of “bigger pieces”, they’re the more interesting ones.

I don’t want to push back on some entries because I’m not brave enough. Maybe I’ll regret it. Maybe it’ll suck. Or maybe I’ll read it again and cringe. But I’ll post one of them this month anyway.