Last month, I spent two days at the biggest medieval fair in France in the city of Provins. I was not dressed for the occasion, but tons of people were and this got me super excited about getting a costume! Some came as vikings, a few as knights in armor, many as commoners, others went for a a fantasy look with elves, magicians or fauns. I’ll end up somewhere in the middle with a costume inspired by the Empire of the Warhammer fantasy universe. Realistically, I’ll wear it a few times, a medieval weekend, a murder party, a roleplaying game or a themed party, but not that often really. And despite that, I’m super hyped. But why? Why am I so excited about it?
There is something really appealing to me, and to countless others without a doubt, about being someone you’re not. Stepping in the shoes of someone else for an afternoon, becoming a Capo of the Italian mob, a pirate hunted by the French Crown, or a warrior fighting to protect the innocents from monsters. I can become a hero, an anti-hero, an adventurer, someone in an extraordinary setting with exceptional events. And without having to actually break some kneecaps, sink ships, or kill goblins, bandits, and mages. And as much as I love my job, let’s not kid ourselves, this is way more tempting and stimulating than writing some software to increase shareholder value.
In the same vein, when I finish a book or a good video game, I feel a strange wave of sadness. A short Google search revealed the term “postbook depression” where some people miss the characters, or have the sensation of having lost a friend. But that’s not what I experience. The sadness comes from realizing that I’ll never live something as formidable, as exceptional as what I just read or played. You could say it’s because I’m a pessimist (I’d say I’m more of an optimist) or that I’m defeatist. Or maybe it’s because I’m not enjoying my current life situation. But I love my life. I’m surrounded by amazing people, and I have more hobbies than I’ll ever need to express myself, have fun, and learn things. I enjoy my work, I like the place I live in, and I do not have any unmet needs. It’s just that I’ll never live what V went through in Cyberpunk 2077. And let’s be real, that’s a good thing because it was terrible. But at the same time, I’m so envious of it. The highs, the lows, the stakes. This life was fully lived, it mattered. I’ll never learn that I’m a descendant of Zeus or Poseidon, wielding magical weapons and powers to fight cyclops, dragons, and titans to save the world from destruction. I won’t ever be a wizard studying spells, enchantments, and defense against the dark arts at Hogwarts.
I’m so lucky to be in the position I am in today. But still, every time I finish a great story, it stings a bit. This is probably why I’m so drawn to these kinds of activities. I can’t wait to have my Warhammer costume and participate in a medieval fair or a big LARP event. I’m stoked about the next sessions of role-playing game I have scheduled with my friends. I’m having a lot of fun organizing another murder party.
Anything to, for an afternoon at least, become someone else, somewhere else.